It was my fifth interview in three weeks, and I was just as sure that I would fail to get this job, as I was about my failure to get the previous four. I sat outside the rather austere looking offices for half an hour before going in, feeling sick to my stomach.

The panel of three cold-faced managers sat silently for too long as they carefully read through my resume. Then they proceeded to interrogate me for at least half an hour on all sorts of subjects that seemingly had nothing to do with the job role. Was I in a relationship? Did I have any strong family connections? Did I have many friends? Unfortunately the answer to all of the questions was no.

The truth was that I was a lonely, overweight man, who spent most of his time watching films and TV, and stuffing his face with fast food. The only thing I hated more than my own reflection was office work, but I had never done anything else, so what choice did I have but to keep going for interviews at these godforsaken glass megaliths?

“Well...” sneered the scary woman in the centre, “I think you would be perfect for one of our new management positions.”

“Um...what?” I asked in surprise. “Me? Management? But I don’t have any management experience.”

I hated managers – trumped up idiots with overinflated egos – but I wasn’t about to tell them that.

“Oh don’t worry,” said the woman, “our training scheme is excellent.”

I left the office in a state of shock. I journeyed home and thought long and hard about accepting the offer and joining their training scheme. Eventually I realised that above all else, I needed the money, so against my better judgment I emailed them to accept. It turned out to be the best decision of my life.

Three weeks later, and the training was complete. I was now a true manager, inside and out...

It turned out that the training scheme had indeed been excellent. Not as if I could remember much about it. I had blurred memories of injections and people in white coats and brain stimulation, but it didn’t really matter. What mattered was the fact that the fat, ugly, loner I had once been was gone forever, and in his place I had become a confident alpha male, with an athletic muscular body that exactly matched the masculinity and strength that I now felt on the inside.

I began in my new management position the following week and quickly earned the respect of my team, who seemed eager to please their new young and handsome manager. I was friendly with them, but also firm when I needed to be. I would often work late and then enjoy a long evening workout at the gym before getting back to my new lush apartment, paid for by the company. I would spend time taking selfies of my body and uploading them to the internet before going out to the bars and looking for company. I'd usually get home in the early hours and do some final prep for the next working day. I didn't sleep much, but I didn't seem to need sleep anymore.

Now it is five years later, and I have become the managing director of the company. I am also a proud husband and father to three beautiful children. The training worked so well on me that the board quickly promoted me up the chain. Since taking charge, I have doubled the value of the business. The sad, pathetic, weed of a man I once was is nothing more than a distant memory now. May he rest in peace.